I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
that's an acceptable place to lick
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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