What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
