I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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