Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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