woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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