so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
