I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
