You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
