I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
