I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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