there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
