it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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