i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
