; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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