So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
smell my finger.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
