the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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