I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
