I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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