butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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