The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
