yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
