Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
