I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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