I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
