I think I am morally bankrupt
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
