if i can run in heels then i can drive
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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