I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
