his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
