dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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