I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
