you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
