Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
