Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
