At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
