you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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