On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like abortions should bother me more
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
