Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
