morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
