the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
