I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
