All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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