i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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