do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
