He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
