she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
