Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
