can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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