question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There are leaves in my underwear?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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