i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You can't special order awesome
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
