Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
