when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
